Finding The Good In The Pain
We all strive for certain titles and identities. From the professional to the personal, we work hard in whatever vocation we claim over the course of our lives.
But, what about those identities that we do not choose. How do we make sense of this?
Yesterday, I spoke at the Colon Cancer Coalition’s fundraising and awareness walk in Prospect Park, Brooklyn.
The truth is that I did not want to be there. When I was handed a “survivor” tag to place on my shirt, my heart sunk.
For the past four months since my diagnosis, I did not identify with this cancer. Maybe it is a defense mechanism or just the product of how well I feel (despite the side effects of chemotherapy), but I much rather identify as “healing” than “surviving.”
Yet, I couldn’t ignore the lack of “survivors” present yesterday. There were some, but most of those walking were there in memory of a loved one who lost their battle with the same cancer that is inside of me.
I spent the morning holding in the tears as I did not want to accept this identity of a Stage 4 cancer patient or survivor. There were many other identities I wanted to lead with this crisp October morning, and places I would rather be.
It wasn’t until lunch with Suzie and our girls when it started to make sense. I could see Shea was bothered by the morning, and we had to unpack what we heard and saw.
I made some jokes and acknowledged the difficulty of hearing about people dying during the Opening Ceremony, but then these words came out: “Sometimes, we find ourselves in situations we don’t want to be in. But, then, we must find what good we can do there.”
And the good yesterday was to raise awareness so others get screened, advocate for their rights to healthcare, and raise funds for those who cannot get screened for colon cancer.
If my story helps someone in their own advocacy and healthcare, it is worth it. This is now a part of my purpose.
When I returned home, I opened Facebook and found these familiar yet profound words from Thomas Merton:
“You do not need to know precisely what is happening, or exactly where it is all going. What you need is to recognize the possibilities and challenges offered by the present moment, and to embrace them with courage, faith, and hope.”
Whatever situation you may find yourself in, with whatever titles and identities, ask yourself in prayerful reflection, “what good is there for me to do here?”
May you find the answer and continue to be a voice of courage, faith, and hope.
