Tis the Season
As much as I love baseball season (although not the end of them), these next 5 weeks are by far my favorite season of all. I love the smell of Thanksgiving, the gratitude of another birthday, and the anticipation and experience of Christmas. I suddenly tap into my younger self, where believing is the only requirement.
When we had Shea, and then Lily, Christmas was transformed into an even richer experience. When three-year old Shea yelled “it happened, it happened,” after seeing gifts spread out under our towering tree that Christmas morning, I somehow fell deeper in love with this time of year.
Life changed this past July as I processed a Stage 4 cancer diagnosis. I wondered, what would I feel during the holidays as chemo would fill my veins? Would I lose this season that always brought me such joy? Could I be present with so much fear and uncertainty? Would the holidays feel the same?
So, this past weekend, when we put up the tree, I was first relieved to feel well enough to lug it upstairs from the garage and then second, grateful to unwrap the precious ornaments that survived another year. As the girls helped me decorate the tree, I said a silent pray consisting of two necessary words, “thank you.”
Tomorrow, as the girls wake early to continue our Thanksgiving tradition of prepping the bird and all its sides, I will be overwhelmed, not by a messy kitchen, but instead with gratitude for the opportunity to live this day and to give them some more blessed memories while I still can.
My limitations are greater than before, and with a compromised immune system, I must proceed cautiously. However, I already sense that this season is presenting new gifts, lessons, and moments to experience, learn from, and cherish.
I didn’t need cancer to appreciate this time of year, yet, even with the anxiety and ambiguity, this season has taken on an even deeper meaning and purpose.
This season, like life, is to be cherished. What future holiday seasons bring remains an unknown for all of us. For these next few weeks, under the twinkling Christmas lights, I will happily lose myself in my children’s wide blue eyes, for despite the uninvited challenges, all is calm and all is bright.
